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  • How to survive when your mom’s out for a vacation, a guide for men!

    How to survive when your mom’s out for a vacation, a guide for men!

    We men are very different creatures (at least we like to believe that); we like to be all tough and rough for the world and take things with ease. We can take care of ourselves just fine until the scariest of news is broken to us: Mom is going out for a vacation! Now, we love our moms, heck, we love yours too! For different reasons, of course (No pun intended). And yes, we can take care of ourselves but that’s so hard without our mom being around. This might not make sense to women but, men know, we can’t function without out mommies. For single men, it’s like a task to figure out almost anything at home without the great matriarch being around. So, here’s how to survive when your mom’s out for a vacation!

     

    #1 Chapter 1: The Acceptance

    You’re happy that she’s taking a break from all the hard work she’s been doing non-stop. More than anyone, she deserves vacation time in the house, true story. But to actually accept the fact that she just left for a vacation is harder than you think. It takes us a while to get over it and some men actually shed tears. Yep, some of us are emotional.

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    #2 Life is in ruins

    You know, shit is going down from both the sides. Where she’d be chillin’ like no one’s business, you’ll be here trying to keep your life from falling apart. The moment she leaves home, the panic strikes because, “How the f*ck am I going to get up for college/work tomorrow?” and, “What do I order for dinner tonight?” There are many more questions lined up like these but this conversation with yourself always ends with a sigh.

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    #3 It’s not a kitchen, It’s a science lab

    Pretty sure, many guys out there are like, “I feel you, bro”, because that is true. When your mom’s out for a vacation, things suddenly start to make no sense. The only thing that brings you hope and light (quite literally) is the fridge. Still acting like a smart ass you think you are, you choose to experiment with food. And food here strictly refers to the 2 minute noodles and nothing more.  And the experiment? Well, we just add a couple of masalas without even measuring and voila something very f*cked up is ready for us to eat. And the daring part here is to take the first bite. If it tastes fine we boast about it. Otherwise? Act like nothing like that ever happened!

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    #4 It’s been ages that you’ve seen your mom

    We, men can be a little weird too in times like these. Mom’s been on vacation for just three days but in your head you have lost count. Because nobody’s there to cook your favourite dishes, and you don’t gel with anyone the way you do with her. God knows how but only she can find you the right pair of socks. That’s just few of her talents, if you ask us. But you need socks, and the correct pair with the right colour and size and you have to find it by yourself. 15 minutes down, you finally manage to find a pair that is slightly similar. You can call it a small victory. You deserve it.

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    #5 What if the trip is extended for a day or two!?

    It’s the last day you’ve to do all the household work because guess who’s coming back the next day!? So, out of excitement you call her and she tells you that she might extend her trip for a day or two. And in your head, you know, you weren’t prepared for this! But you can’t say no to her, so you just go with “hmm, haan, okay.” while you pray to the lord above that she comes back a.s.a.p.! To get away from this nightmare… maybe, just maybe, you can drink the night away. Just a suggestion.

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    You can do all of that or just call your mom and ask whatever you need help for. It IS that easy.

    Cheers!

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  • Here are 5 genius ways of breaking bad news to your parents without getting an instant beating!

    Here are 5 genius ways of breaking bad news to your parents without getting an instant beating!

    There are times (a lot of times) when you put yourself in situations that aren’t very easy to get out of. Even your friends can’t be of much help at that moment. You know you’ll have to turn to your parents for getting out of dire straits you put yourself in. And we know, it’s like punching yourself in the face, but you got to do what you got to do! And then suddenly, this other side of you gives you these pure evil but butt-saving ideas that are supposed to work their magic. Now, read and learn how to save your butt from your parents, like a pro! And we’re not talking exceptional circumstances like when you accidentally send a text to your parents that was supposed to be for someone else, we’re talking everyday situations. Now, we hope you never get into these kinds of trouble but if you do, remember the following.

    #1 “Accidentally” bumped your car into someone else’s because you were too busy texting?

    Let’s just say you’re driving and because of something (like texting), you get into an accident and your car is damaged, badly to say the least. You know the only man who can save you is your father, so just let him know how you were trying to save your car from running over a cat which is why you ended up damaging your vehicle. You have saved a life, vehicles can be repaired. SOLD!

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    #2 Spilled milk all over the kitchen floor because you were trying to reach for the chocolates kept at the back?

    Moms are very observant when you’re in their territory. We mean kitchen, and no we aren’t stereotyping but let’s get this straight, without her you’d be surviving on hope. So, you’re in the kitchen and working your way to find something when you accidentally spill all the milk. Now, everyone knows how touchy moms are when it comes to wasting milk. You can always start with mopping the floor so even if she finds out; you have some support in your defense. Make up a story about how you were getting some milk to feed stray dogs and ended up with the disaster. Don’t forget the puppy face.

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    #3 Dad found an objectionable item in your car, like a lighter?

    Just another day and you’re about to leave for work, you get a call from your father saying he took your car to work today and he found something that had him call you. And being the clever-ass person you are, you know what the call might be about. So before you take the call you already have a story ready to serve! Here! Let’s say he finds a few miscellaneous things like a lighter. Let him know it was your boss who needed a ride home and you couldn’t say no when wanted to smoke, because he’s your BOSS! Easy Peasy!

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    #4 An unplanned Friday night that won’t go down well with parents?

    It’s Friday. The weekend is here and you’re out drinking with your buddies, *daddy calls* , let your old man know you’re working late because you’ve got a two-day off and the work needs to be completed by tonight, so you will be getting home late. He won’t ask you to stop work and get home, right?

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    #5 Forgot the only one thing your father asked you to do for him?

    You were asked to a job from your father, something urgent that had to be done as soon as possible. But being you, you forgot and landed yourself in a bad situation. You think your mom will help you out but she tells you what a ‘nikkamma’ you’ve become and waltz out of the room. Tell him you’re busy and stuck at work but you’ll get going and get it done.  It might just melt his heart and give you more time for completing the task or you can get on it while you’re on the phone with him and get the sh*t done!

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    These butt-saving ideas are a produce of creativity that rests in you. Embrace it.