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Tag: relationship advice

  • Have you heard about friends with emotional benefits? Here are the Dos and Don’ts

    Have you heard about friends with emotional benefits? Here are the Dos and Don’ts

    Friends with emotional benefits is a newer version of ‘friends with benefits’. It is safe to assume that we have all heard about the concept of ‘friends with benefits’, more commonly known as FWB. It wasn’t just designed for Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman to star in clichéd chick flicks, the arrangement does exist and we are not sure if it works. Just like many relationships, the common outcome of FWB also, at times, is one of the two parties getting hurt. So why are these not called relationships? The only reasons they are not called relationships are because they are officially commitment-free, questions-free and hassle-free. You don’t need to explain FWBs to your friends; you don’t need to introduce this “friend” to your other friends or need to explain anything. It’s just casual sex with a person you’re comfortable around. Period.

    The complication arises when one of the two parties starts expecting more than the laid rules. Again, like a relationship, expectations don’t get delivered and the usual shit hits the ceiling and the FWB arrangement ends. There are rare cases when they do end on a mutual agreement too but like we said, these are rare. And the discomfort about ending these on a bad note is the physical part, the whole reason you got into one. When FWB gets too much for you to take or if you’re not ready to share your private, physical space with someone but still need the benefits of a non-committed relationship; friends with emotional benefits kicks in.

    ‘Friends with emotional benefits’ is really a relationship without the sex and the commitment. So you get the pampering part, the whining part, the inside jokes, the late calls but no sex. It’s like being in a relationship in your head but not on paper. This arrangement remains comfortable for people who are not up for sharing their physical space with a friend yet need emotional support to get through things in life. But like all other arrangements, this also comes with its list of dos and don’ts.

    #1 Confide but do not expect

    In an FWeB, you may confide in this friend and talk about him/her about any problems; personal or professional and ask for their advice. Where you need to stop is expecting them to do the same. FWeBs do not qualify for a two-way street. The other party might offer you tips to get through your problems but it does not necessarily mean that you get to offer your opinions too (until asked for).

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    #2 Both the parties are allowed to have physical relationships with other people, but honesty is the key

    The entire point of having an FWeB is to give the emotions an outlet. Sex or hook-ups with your FWeB is a big NO. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t venture out for your physical needs. If you or your friend are physically involved with other people, it’s okay but be honest about it. Let your FWeB know that you are and come to a mutual agreement about it.

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    #3 FWeBs do not turn into real relationships unless both of them want it to be like that

    Having friends with emotional benefits is actually harder than having a friend with just physical benefits because the boundaries get blurred here. Friends with emotional benefits are not relationships and should not be confused for being one. They are just people you can talk to and get out of it whenever you want (with a mutual agreement of course). If you wanted to be with this person for real, wouldn’t it have been a commitment?

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    #4 Know where to draw the line

    In an FWeB, you’re essentially just friends. Maintaining that is important. Do not take this equation to realms that confuse things, and if that happens, we suggest end it. Emotional benefits can last for very long or for a very short duration depending on how comfortable people are. Stick to them till the time they are stress-free because that’s the actual point of them. 

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    What do you think about friends with emotional benefits? Let us know in the comments section below. 

    Pictures and GIFs sourced from Tumblr
  • Six ways to overcome a bad breakup

    Six ways to overcome a bad breakup

    Breakups are hard and there is no denying that. Separating yourself from your significant other is not only a change in your daily routine but also your habits that develop after many lovely days spent together. While at times breakups come as a relief from a long, painful relationship; there are changes that might make one feel a little lost in the recovery process. And it is absolutely normal. Everybody goes through the pain of overcoming a bad breakup and we feel that it is important at some level. The one thing that can make overcoming a bad breakup easy is not looking at it in a negative light. When you’re going through a breakup ask yourself if you really need a complicated, unrewarding relationship. We are sure the answer will be no and if it is, move on. Take a look at the positive side and understand yourself better. Here are ways to overcome a bad breakup and come out of it feeling light and refreshed.

    PS: There is no fast way of getting through a breakup. It is a gradual process and taking time to grieve is very normal.

    #1 Understand the importance of being in a rewarding relationship

    Breaking up isn’t always as bad as it is touted to be. Being in a relationship that doesn’t make you feel emotionally empowered is worse than being in no relationship at all. Think about your equation with your parents or your best friend. If your significant other doesn’t reciprocate feelings the same way they do, they do not deserve to be “significant” in your life. Understand it and move on and find someone who would treat you as an equal.

     

    #2 Socialise but spend some time with yourself too

    It’s a common perception that getting too busy is the best way of getting out of a daunting breakup. It is true, but not entirely. Filling the new void in your life with friends and work is all right, but it is essential that you become comfortable with the idea of not having another person around. Spend some time alone, by yourself to make your peace with it and move on in a healthy fashion. And by healthy, we do not mean with a bottle of vodka, a jar of Nutella and a rom-com with Jennifer Aniston.

    #3 Take time to grieve

    It’s okay to hold your own while going through an emotional trauma, but taking time to grieve is vital. You will think about moments from the past and it will make your cry and it is best to just do it! Call up a friend and talk to them about how you feel, cry if you feel like. Believe us; it’ll be better than crying in front of Tom from work with a glass (read bottle) of wine in your hand. Think about what’ll happen on Monday after, therefore, just stick to friends for the grief.

     

    #4 Don’t be disheartened by your breakup, take it in a positive stride

    Breakups happen because two people cannot understand everything about each other. And both the people are at fault, stop punishing yourself alone. Instead, take this as learning to a better relationship, when you have one. Reflect on what went wrong and correct it so next time when love comes your way, you treat it well.

     

    #5 Start a fitness regime

    Join a gym or a fitness studio and get going. Exercise is an underutilised antidepressant and you must make good use of it. We’d recommend a mix of yoga, zumba, cardio and strength workouts to keep the excitement alive. You’ll learn something new, make new friends and get a good change. Go out, get fit, feel healthy and embrace a new lifestyle.

    #6 Write about how you feel Another underutilised way to overcoming a bad breakup is writing.You will feel the need to make an angry phone call or leave an angry text message but take it from us, it will not help. It might make things worse actually. Space yourself out from your SO for a bit and instead of the angry call/text, write how you feel on a piece of paper. By writing we do not mean send it out via post, NO! Just write and vent out. We are sure you’ll feel better. 
     

    All said and done, breakups are tough but relax, the worst is over. You need to look at all the new adventures that are waiting. We hope this guide to overcoming a bad breakup helps you. Take care of yourself, breathe and smile.